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Bipana

Weird attitudes

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The one thing I really dont understand about Nepalese student who go abroad to study, is their reluctance to mix and mingle with other cultures. I find that most nepalese students either hang out with nepalese or indian students. What is the point of paying so much money..going so far away from home..and landing up in with the same people and culture? Going to a foreign country is not just to get a degree....students should get out of their comfort zone..their security zone and discover other cultures. Being an international student is so interesting as there are tonnes of other international students who feel equally lost in the beginning.

 

I agree it is sometimes nice ot speak to somebody form your own country and have some dal bhaat occasionally...celebrate dashain and stuff...but the question peole should be asking themselves is...why are they away from home? Is it just to get some degree? Is it for pride? What is it?

 

It's startling the number of students I have met who hardly interact with the local people or other international students.

Sometimes it is theri own insecurity and lack of self confidence to go up to the stranger and have a little chat.

 

Living in the halls is a brilliant opportunity as you might land up with flatmates from different countries...this year.. I have been fortunate enough to have wonderful flatmates from France, Germany, Norway and Malaysia...and it's amazing how much there is to learn...we have endless conversations about cultures, politics, astrophysics, cuisines, reilgion, philosophy, music...and the list is endless....

and we have nothing to be afraid...coz even though Nepal is a veyr poor and a small country..so what...we have so many new things ot share with other people..our customs..our attitudes..our terrain...it's really exciting...

 

I just really hope people realise what they are missing out on...

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Bipana,

 

Warm welcome in WNSO.

 

The topic you raised here is the problem of Nepalese students studying all over d world. When I came here the first time, I was also not confident to talk and chat wit other ppl even i was a very fast n frank guy wen I was in Nepal.

 

The first few months I really jus hung around wit the Nepalese guys as all of them did t same since long! Time passed n as yu said earlier I realised dat m studyin here spendin a lotta money frm my parents is not only to get a degree or wateva' We should be able to chat up wit all the international ppl as well so that we cud learn much more than our own locals! Not late,I made a galfren frm this place, but we ended up in 6 months lol tongue.gif !

 

Well, I think if you started workin you will be more familiar wit people and can get moxed up well. I have missed my practical training last year as I went back home for the summer, but this year I did all 4 month job in a 4* Hotel Bar! My time was so fabulous! All the tourist that came to our Hotel were British: English, Scottish, Irish and frm Wales... the ppl are fantastic, DRUNKARD and very Funny!

 

But still there are many things that depends as well! After my work I found out that mixing with the British ppl is more easier than that wit Cypriots! LANGUAGE a big prob...!

ohh.. I started writin too much... wateva' .. jus wanted to tell at last that we should always share our cultures and traditions and START being frens with the ppl whr we r studyin and the international studs and NOT always hang around with Nepalese with whom we were for decades!

 

smile.gif

Edited by Avee

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Dear Bipana and Avee,

 

Good observation and worthy suggestion. I would like to add opposite chapter of this story.

 

Mentality of some nepalese people after landing abroad changes significantly taking U-turn. Usually, this happens if the people is pursuing higher degree. They hardly like to have some get-together in nepali social function. They have some how superiority complexity which does not allow them to mix with general nepali abroad. Whenever you talk with them about Nepal, they start blaming nepal from all angle what they could think of, starting from mis-behaviour of some staff in TIA.

 

These type of people are very good while socialising with other people, but considering about own nepalese, they are far far isolated. Simply they do not have time for such things. For simple example, If you invite them in some nepali festival program organised by own nepali people, they will say NO by saying that, they are invited to kids' freinds' birthday party or something like that.

 

You can find them in DISCO with other country's people, but it is really rare to see them together some time with own nepali friends.

 

regards,

Edited by sanskar

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I totally agree with Bipana. I have been living in US for a while, and i have seen most of Nepalese ( well, except for a few ) stick only with their fellow Nepalese. They usually share apartments with other Nepalese, socialize only with other Nepalese, and sometimes they even work together with other Nepalese.

It is nothing wrong sticking with your own people but sometimes one needs to get out and try to find out what other cultures have to offer.

 

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Bipana,

You may be on your highs when you say you talk for hours with your flatmates, and I know mixing with people is an important quality of life you need to have, but I'll get the facts straight for you.

From your post, I assume that you are in the UK

 

why nepalese don't mix?

 

1. Economic reasons:

 

Stay in a noisy 'halls of residence' and pay £320 per month while you can live comfortably with peace in your own flat for £200-£250 a month ( less if you get the council flats).

 

Go for a 'eat out' with your british friends and you have to fish not less than £15 from your pocket which would have had you going for a week if you 'dined' at home.

 

Most of the nepalese work their way out through the university. It's just not feasible to mix the way you are talking about. Besides, if you are studying all day and working all evening when do you expect them to have time to mingle as you say.

 

2. Cultural reasons:

 

Even the british diplomats in nepal are seen with other europeans, americans and australians....not with indian, srilankan or pakistani embassy officers. It's the same everywhere in the world.

 

I'm sure there are many more reasons but I couldn't think of anything else at present.

 

Cultural reasons do not count much but money "matters".

 

 

 

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REPLY TO santos

 

First of all, living in the halls only costs me £200 a month...and i hardly eat out with my " british friends"....so to speak...we cook together in our flat on weekends...i spend less than average of what others spend on food and entertainment...

u dont need to pay more to have a nice time...it depends upon your mental bias and inhibitions. There is no reason to jusitfy why Nepalese stick only with Nepalese..not even under constraints..it's how open you are to world culture...If you dont feel comfortable with people form other cultures, you might find 100 reasons why you can't and maybe why you shouldnt as well...I just hope you can get out of it soon...if you have confidence in yourself.. I am sure you will somehow find time to mix around...life will be much more fun...with no extra costs to bear...good luck

Edited by Bipana

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define mix around

 

does that mean clubbing with your fellow locals at every chance you get and pubcrawling and coming home in the middle of the night stoned! cause if that's embracing the student life culture then i think i'll gladly decline.

 

you seem to be lucky to be placed in an international atmosphere, but what if you weren't...all extrovert brits...what would be your opinions then. i know tonnes of people who have disliked their hall experiences...and they aren't foreign so to speak. this is an individual's choice. this whole idea of "mixing around" also depends on the course you're persuing for your future career...if you have very few lectures a week...then socialising is slightly different to those who have taken up a full on intensive course or have to support themselves by working.

 

getting to know other cultures, i don't think you have to live with foreigners inorder to gain a little knowledge. most people who go abraod go away for a minimum of 3 yrs, you pick up tidbits as you grow older and gain a few grey hairs. i actually quite like the idea of having a circle of friends with the same culture and background...it makes life easier. (i wish there was some nepali person in my uni doing the same course as me!!!) having "friends" (i prefer acquaintances), who are totally different from you causes you be someone whom you're not comfortable with, why put yourself in that position, why undermine and degrade yourself to that level just to "mix around"! the difficulty of befriending someone from a totally different society means you've been brought up in a different manner from your freind and what may seem trivial to that person may not be for you...so why compromise yourself.

 

and i agree that you don't have to spend more to have fun, there are absolutely zillions of stuff you can do which costs a few bob.

 

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it's amazing how people can misunderstand you so easily...I never meant to say that you shoudlnt mix around with you fellow country mates and jsut go out clubbing...I dont like clubs and so I never land up there...talking about friends...you dont have to be absolutely best buds...just exchanging ideas....you dont have to be like inseparable to just discuss and learn...it's just about how cofident you are with yourself...I know coming from a very poor country..it's not easy for us do afford entertainment often...

And I am not saying we'd intentionally avoid Nepalese...ifnact we shoudl help each other out when needed...but we'd have a balance between knowing other cultures and their views without losing touch with our roots..I hope it's clear what I mean..it's really hard to clarify my statement everytime i get misunderstood...

 

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I think it is easy for beautiful chicks to mix around easily because everybody cares, try to be nice but being a guy is not that simple as you think.

 

Have you ever been ask "Do you eat in Nepal?" may be some of my friends thought I am from such a poor country that he thought the situation of starvation is worst than in Somalia.

My answer was " No we don't , we starve to death". May be I sounded rude but his question worst than my answer. Kind of humilation.

 

Have your ever been asked " Do your king has a car?"

If you were to be in this kind of environment then off course you won't try to mix around I guess unless you can tolerate.

 

But not everybody is like that. May be some of them intensionally try to make a fun of us. I don't know.

 

Got many foreigner friends, Off course I do clubbing Yes it is easy to mix around with them. No one cares what you are doing but enjoys the moment. Off course it will be expensive they are not going to pay for you. Now we were to do that with our fellow country people, my goodness the very next day you will hear all kind of bullshit. But for rest of the thing I prefer to be with someone who are from same culture.

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Bipana,

Its not that nobody understand you. People are trying to say what they feel about mixing.

I think Jhilke is absolutely right. I also feel more comfortable with other nepalese, indians and pakis than with europeans. At least we can get personal when we talk, we share the same joys and sorrows, difficulties and hardships of living in this country. I tend to talk my heart with them, not mind. When I talk to europeans and americans, I know that I'll have limits.

About roots, I'm sure you have not been in this country for more than 5 years (maximum), and if you talking about nepali roots already, I'll say you have a problem.

About entertainment and having fun, everyone have their own way, for you you may be entertained when you babble about 'stone idols' and 'high peaks', but I don't.

Talking about knowing others cultures, I can see that you have friends from germany, malaysiya, france and norway.....go and look at your world map, that's nowhere near to the 'world culture'.

100 reasons for not mixing...I'm sure I have thousands. Get to the basics, the fundamental aspects of thinking, cultural values, financial standings, linguistic capabilities.....all converge to restricting yourself to your mates. This is not an ideal world we are living in.

 

About the halls of residence, thats what I paid when i was staying there. You are lucky to have it that cheap. But I know a nepali guy in your university (I checked your profile) who was paying more than £300 per month and now he is staying in one of the tall council flat buildings at £100/mnth (including bills).

 

 

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