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Magic

 

Two men in a sauna. The first one says to the second one, “Do you want to see a magic trick?”

 

Second guy says, “Sure.”

 

“OK. Face away from me and get down on your hands and knees.”

 

Second guy turns around and gets down on all fours.

 

“There,” says the first one, “… does that feel like you’ve got a thumb up your ass?”

 

“Yes!”

 

The first guy waves both of his hands in the air, “Magic!”

 

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It was the stir of the town when an 80-year-old man married a 20-year-old girl. After a year she went into the hospital to give birth. The nurse came out to congratulate the fellow. "This is amazing. How do you do it at your age?" He answered, "You've got to keep that old motor running." The following year she gave birth again. The same nurse said, "You really are amazing. How do you do it?" He again said, "You've got to keep the old motor running." The same thing happened the next year. The nurse said, "You must be quite a man." He responded, "You've got to keep that old motor running." The nurse then said, "Well, you had better change the oil, this one's black."

 

 

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A married fellow gets home early from work and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom. He rushes upstairs to find

 

his wife naked on the bed, sweating and panting. "What's up?" he asks. "I'm having a heart attack," cries the woman. He

 

rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as he's dialing, his 4-year-old son comes up and says, "Daddy! Daddy! Uncle

 

Ted's hiding in your closet and he's got no clothes on!" The guy slams the phone down and storms upstairs into the bedroom,

 

past his screaming wife, and rips open the wardrobe door. Sure enough, there is his brother, totally naked, cowering on the

 

closet floor. "You *******!!!" says the husband. "My wife's having a heart attack, and all you can do is run around the house

 

naked scaring the kids?"

 

 

 

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Business was good at the local whorehouse and the madam decided to partition one of larger rooms. After the work was

 

complete the carpenter asked for payment but was put off. After several weeks he still hadn't been paid and he regularly

 

threatened, "Pay me or I'll rip out the partition." Finally the madam offered to pay him in trade. "Take any girl in the house

 

and have your pleasure with her."

 

"I'll take you."

 

"Me? I'm an old lady. Take one of those young, good looking chicks."

 

"I want you."

 

So he took her upstairs and removed all her clothes, laid her on her back and put one finger in her pussy and one finger in

 

her butt. "What are you doing?" she asked. "I told you before. Pay me or I'll rip out the partition."

 

 

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Little Johnny walked into his dad's bedroom one day only catch him sitting on the side of his bed sliding on a condom. Johnny's

 

father, in attempt to hide his full erection with a condom on it, bent over as if to look under the bed. Little Johnny asked

 

curiously "What ya doin dad?" His father quickly replied, "I thought I saw a rat go underneath the bed, to which Little Johnny

 

replied "What ya gonna do, fu*k him?"

 

 

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The young blonde bride made her first appointment with a gynecologist and told him that she and her husband wished to start a family.

 

"We've been trying for months now, doctor, and I don't seem to be able to get pregnant," she confessed miserably.

 

"I'm sure we’ll solve your problem," the doctor reassured her.

 

"If you'll just take off your clothes and get up on the examining table."

 

"Well, all right, doctor," agreed the young woman, blushing, "but I'd rather have my husband's baby.

 

 

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Who is the most popular guy at the nudist colony?

 

The guy who can carry a cup of coffee in each hand and adozen donuts.

 

 

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Bad Bernie was in prison for seven years. The day he got out, his wife and son were there to pick him up. He came through the gates and got into the car.

 

The only thing he said was, "F.F."

 

His wife turned to him and answered, "E.F."

 

Out on the highway, he said, "F.F."

 

She responded simply, "E.F."

 

He repeated, "F.F."

 

She again replied, "E.F."

 

"Mom! Dad!" their son yelled. "What's going on?"

 

Bad Bernie answered, "Your mother wants to eat first!"

 

 

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