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About zen_spirit

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  • Birthday 10/14/1980

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  1. zen_spirit


  2. .. it looked so tenderly cute ... even without life - a little kitten furry, white upon wild grass carpet! as if sleeping (but for a dry lesion mark on its innocent head) a victim of fate? or some cruel hand(s)? who'd care? bigger part of neighborhood was still slumbering but early sunrays poured on it like transparent gold (their warmth akin to silent mourning) this dull morning... ... late in the evening, i halted on my way back, there, to see ... but the poor thing was gone - cleared perhaps! ... for a still moment these eyes longed, searchingly, for some signs of a little kitten ... furry, white upon wild grass carpet ... beneath a mute Neem tree... motionless ... but it wasn’t there any more - none of those tiny paws & whiskers! ... (only a patch of crushed grasses instead ... bathed quietly in the hazy twilight amid many bugs shrilly serenading) ... ... a street-lamp some meters ahead was dismally lit, the air blew cold and there was half moon gazing ... down at a lean figure now trudging homeward ... with a shadow ... amid many bugs shrilly serenading ... late in the evening ...
  3. zen_spirit


    … post midnight, a movie titled ‘Ugly Aur Pagli’ being over, and with a cuppa Nescafe on hand, an intellectual friend and guest of mine asked for my earnest take on ‘love’ … so i reflected awhile with a poker face, eyes half shut, but mum was the word … followed by my dry smile of surrender which i jus’ wished he’d understand … ( for me it’s the almighty distance … a pair of ancient, deep, hazel eyes … unchecked flood of haunting memories … lonely sips of strong, black coffee … this mocking, empty apartment … and a dark, glass-ashtray nearly filled with many cigarette butts … Djarum Black … brand Indonesia … now piled up in a little, ashy mess ) “only a hollow night’s tyrant silence and shadows, perhaps, has the real answer” i inwardly concluded before drifting away to other topics for better …
  4. zen_spirit


    like a ceiling fan spins my dream-blades foiling my calm within ... rippling, sweet sin! unsounded din!
  5. You’ve asked us in your scrapbook if we thought of punk as bad. And have wondered if people in general really believe it's bad to be a punk. No doubt you’ve had to hear ‘a lot’! Sometimes i’ve myself been a witness to the unfair attitude some fellow students and staff member would show towards your ‘punk’ ways, esp. appearance. And have heard them mutter among themselves a thing or two directed at you. And that, too, by young souls like ourselves no less. I can’t pretend or presume to know what punk really is or what it means or represents so as to be able to authoritatively elaborate here. I had only known it to be a musical genre and a fashion statement (I’m not even sure whether or not my terminologies are correct here) until few details and symbolisms I came to make out from you. And was actually impressed by your knowledge about along with your ‘involved’ adherence to what is recognized as punk. Excepting that, to date I barely know punk in it’s essence or spirit (the only way of knowing something/somebody to that extent, for me, is living it/with). But what I believe I know here (in my own ignorance, of course) is that 'good' or 'bad' can hardly be generalized. It's much about the individual and not the whole bunch of people following this way of life or that. I've heard about corrupt cops and charitable thugs, read about hard-drinking Churchill and vegetarian Hitler, believed in the existence of sword-wielding monks and devout ladies-of-the-night. Who can verdict for sure whether something is really good or bad? Who remains ‘bathed-in-milk’ when judgments and preconceptions crop up in mind in a thousand and one ways like it does usually? What about the ‘share’ of contexts, situations and specific environment when it comes to labeling something or somebody as ‘good’ or ‘bad’? (for they greatly vary here and there) Who can draw a clean, universal line in between where the realm of ‘good’ ends and where that of ‘bad’ begins? ... and vice versa. And what exactly are these ‘good’ or ‘bad’ anyways? Meat might be bad for a monk ( as is said) but is certainly good for a rigorous weight lifter (as is evident). Morphine's good for a bullet-injured soldier but bad for an abuser. A machete’s good in your hand if you’re in the middle of a hostile forest but bad if you want to board a passenger airliner. A bit of guts and action is good if it’s spontaneous and urgent need of the hour in facing danger or injustice but bad if it’s for some thespianlike ‘effect’ or ‘show off’ merely. Physicality is good when it's part of a healthy relationship and understanding but bad (i suppose) if it drives you to seedy places and people with potential to ruin you and your people. So it all depends, i guess! My belief is - if something makes you feel good, boosts your confidence, enhances your creativity & health, is your way of life and above all, keeps you happy then its 'good' for you no matter what other people might perceive or say it to be. But if the same thing makes you feel bad, slashes your confidence, erodes/obstructs your creativity& health, is not up to your aptitude & is burdensome, and above all, keeps you unhappy, then it's 'bad' for you no matter what other people might perceive or say it to be. Again, this is my personal version of what i see as good or bad for an individual which might or might not correspond with those of others. Everybody have their own ways of belief about thing(s) in question which i tend to consider or dismiss depending on the ‘intent’ or ‘stance’ of my belief. And as the very basis of complicated human behavior (survival + growth instinct at core, perhaps) everybody makes use of these ‘intent’ and ‘stance’ mechanisms. Can’t be helped surely. And it goes round and round like there’s nothing called ‘the end’- these phenomenon of one’s (and everyone’s) version of ‘right’ and ‘wrong’! They’re a total brain-squeezer and an ultimate peace-killer if you give them more thoughts than necessary. So I’ll only say that one will fare well if she/he alone decides on what is ‘good’ or ‘bad’, ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ for her/him in her/his own individual context(s) and not try impose it on other individuals walking around the various avenues of life in their own shoes (nor judge their color basing it on the color of lens that one wears). As for punks once again, i suppose there are millions of punks around the world (excuse me, statistics!) and i’d like to believe they’re all different in their nature, more or less - say, some down-to-earth, some braggadocio, some misanthropic, some philanthropic, some romantic, some dry, some hell hardworking, some simply slack, some optimistic, some pessimistic, some rude, some amicable, some into drugs and some clean and blah blah (along with those standing somewhere in the middle in terms of all these traits). Furthermore (with generalizations apart), each one of them are unique or different in their own ways, I’m sure. Since no two people are ‘the same’ (the work of jocular Almighty or future ‘clone scientists’ might be an exception, though). And it’s not so in the sphere of punks alone but in the spheres of every kind of women and men our old Sun has seen from above be them techies, tribals, bohemians, wanderlusts, warriors, bureaucrats, painters, police, writers, hip-hopsters, leftists, scientists, socialites, veggies, non-veggies, homos’, heteros’, monks, mechanics, paparazzi, poets and so on and on. Therefore, be at ease! And breathe in peace, my seriously creative buddy! I wish you remained focused on guitar you’re crazy about, and lyrics you mull over, and music you’re making and ‘ajhai daami’ music (i remember you say) you wanna make in the days to come. And i sincerely believe you’re capable of it. Also I wish you kept it calm and did not give a jot about some peoples’ prejudiced attitude towards what is your way of life and means a lot to you. Your creativity, happiness and personal freedom counts far above the snarl of their fickle sneer. Fact is, they don’t really care. There are a lot of individuals who’re not liked by them for not being like them- the cautious, confirming, comfortable lot! So don’t let them bug you. I know you personally and know well you’re far from my version of ‘bad’. You are, as far as my view is concerned, a laborious guy skilled in your craft with your own kind of personality- passionate, buoyant generally, bit talkie at times(i understand it as part of your enthusiasm), almost single-minded about music, unconventional - although down sometimes and above all, not into drugs. And for the time being, still learning and struggling through with really promising performances. You’re anything but bad for me. Nor is punk in itself. It is, as it appears to me with my limited comprehension, a different expression, a sort of rebellion against the mundane and the conventional, a vibrant way of life for certain people, and is meaningful to numerous punks around the world if not to all. Nothing in this world is meaningful to all and meant for all. Were it so our world would’ve become either heaven or hell for sure (later is more probable). But it's not so & therein lies the difference and life’s meaning if there be any meaning at all. Our world is world and a colorful, chaotic, fascinating world with infinite surprises and shocks in store simply because there’s variety and diversity in every aspect(s) of life encompassing the living amid the non living. Therefore, my only response to you ( more a request if it avails but certainly not a persuasion ), as a friend and as a respondent, is that you rejoice in what is yours and what you have and what you hold as dear. I see you as a real potential, a hard-working cub into music and a young rebel (we’ve had enough of them political rebels and need more like you in various fields and walks of life in Nepal at least). If you don’t give up, there are chances you can go the distance leaving behind your own milestones for other to see and learn from for creativity. In the least, you’ll be contributing to the music of Nepal reaching and binding numerous Nepalis’ within and across Nepal (also the cultural apart from geographical). You’ll be satisfying the musical thirst of numerous people you haven’t even seen or known (nor you’ll ever see nor know) in person. Will that be a small feat? I don’t have to answer it, I’m sure. I may not have brought it into words when we were under the roof of same institution but I always respected you and was proud of you for your passion and leaning towards music. I still am. And my best wishes are always with you, mate! just that you be yourself and ‘rock on’ your way! P.S. I particularly remember one incident at college. Once while talking music I asked you why you were not, with such potential, doing music studies instead of Development Studies? And your reply was (as exact as I can now recall),” For my family and kids later, of course! You know the payback of music in Nepal! Music is for me. And this course is for them - just in case! ‘Coz in future if I’m not able for provide well for them all that they deserve, it’ll be like beating nothing but empty buckets - this music I so love! And I don’t want that”. I nodded with a smile. Couldn’t agree more. Now, should I ever doubt your goodness ensuing a sense of responsibility manifest in your above answer? I’m clear about my conclusion. And I’ll choose to leave it unto others to see for themselves how they see you or want to see you.
  6. just a shadow … a soul at war… beneath pale moon … a self i call myself … and sleeplessness … pardon me, O, faint breathe! … where’s peace???????
  7. zen_spirit

    ... dashain ...

    … it’s the first time i’m not with my family for Tika … buba, ama & my dai … they must be missing me … i’m missing them, too … ama’s call day before yesterday was touching … though i was cheerful all the way and we cracked jokes and laughed about this and that ( like food here, pretty girls at college, me being my own cook, my piles of to-be-washed cloths, work outs, her to-be-daughter-in-law etc.) i, her joker and incurably ‘sohjo’ ( sojho???) son, was having hard time coping with a sudden dawning of a strange loneliness her ever-friendlike voice was evoking within … her ‘joker’ son didn’t let her know or even suspect how badly he was wishing to place his head on her lap and be patted like usual esp. during wintry evenings by the fire … how she’d say my head’s become too heavy and i got lice all over and how, i in turn would say that i’d obey her every commands all my life if she ever found but one lice for real … the day went heavily after i trashed the cellphone beside my pillow and went for a walk and later, a cup of solitary coffee … mom was relieved that i’ll receive tika from a temple priest nearby … and that there are senior nepali dais and peers, too, to celebrate with the whole dasami day … well, ama, it’s not so … for here i am at a cybercafé after a usual lunch … all morning spent capturing photos of deccan cloud-formations in the areas nearby … no tika … and no celebrations as such … i just want to spend this day like any other day here … and anyways, even if i try to create dashain within it won’t be like it is when i’m with you … my dashain will hardly be a dashain without your smile, your voice in the morning calling us to get ready, without me helping you and buba with all the preparations, without my share of ‘commission’, without your expert treat of aloo ko achar, kheer, rotis and other delicacies for us and above all, the feel of your lotus feet on my forehead, your tika and your blessings along with father’s and brother’s … it is a happy dashain for all and no less a happy dashain for me .. its not that … just that it is my first dashain without you and i’m utterly at a loss how to celebrate it without you being around … but i’m happy nevertheless … its like ‘the day is as blessed and bright as always is … just that today there is no sunrise face of yours to see … no lotus feet of yours for your son to place his head on and kiss’ … maybe i’ll visit the temple in the evening instead - before going for my supper … happy dashain ama! … may your good health, childlike cheerfulness and happiness remain whole in this life and forever! … and happy dashain buba, da’, my beloved ‘pagli’ and everybody! … may every day of yours be as auspicious as today! … and in case i fail to wish for coming deepawali, a very happy deepawali,too, to you all in advance ! …
  8. zen_spirit

    Happy Id! :)

    … every day’s special to me no matter what it has in its store for me … for every single day has in a way or other taught me a thing or two about life … and enriched me towards a more matured state of being albeit slowly by providing me with an ever-widening perspective on things that positively matters in this world - and if I may say so, beyond, too ( for I happen to be a believer) … so for me today’s a special day, too, like any other day but this time I’m feeling like considering today a day esp. special for I notice my birthday has coincided with a great festival being observed by millions of people around the world … today’s Id … a day that connects numerous people who’re in different corners of the globe, brings together numerous family members who’re otherwise scattered far and wide for living’s sake, brings smile in numerous faces & joyous festivity in numerous hearts and most importantly, reminds people of the source of everything known and unknown, knowable and unknowable, definable and indefinable – the one who’s called by thousands of names by numberless people from thousand different parts of the world one of which is Allah by our Muslim brethren … with them today’s a day special for anyone who believes in the ‘same source’, common purpose of mankind, brotherhood, love and peace for all in the wake of 21st century … unfortunately, there has been limitless bloodshed throughout the mankind’s history in the name of faith whether we call them dharmayuddha, crusade, jehad or anything like that … but i firmly believe, deep down, that such ‘faithless’ damages on faith by means of war were brought, are being brought and will be brought by them alone who’re actually faithless behind apparent faith, insecure, ego-ridden, ruthlessly ambitious and those who’ve lost path in the name of path … its them who’re dangerous with little knowledge and an opium to mankind … not them who’re sincerely faithful with a yen to connect with ‘the source’… for them who’re truly seeking and discovering gradually within their own self the true meaning of faith no matter which path s/he’s following or intends to follow, violence, bigotry and diehardism in connection(???) with something as subtly sacred as faith are nothing but a sheer ignorance and a madness resulted by a misguidance … one who’s truly a Buddhist will be no different from one who’s truly a Muslim or a Hindu or a Christian in spite of all the surface differences … so for them a day deemed sacred by the people of a path or any path is equally sacred as the one in the culture of their own path … it comes naturally without having to go through any discourse or reading or following any socializing tactic … and hence, the sacredness of Id is as sacred as that of Purnima, Lhosar, Christmas, Deepawali or Dashara … and Allah is another name of Ishwor, God, Abba, Bhagwan or any other name given by mankind to their cosmic source … So, happy Id to all of you folks out there from all faiths ! esp. to Mostapha, Auras and all my Afghan friends and those from the middle east at Acharya … and Khan saheb (Raju Ali Khan),- my Urdu poet friend and all my Muslim neighbor brothers and sisters at Nepalgunj, my home town … and before wrapping up for tonight, my loving thanks to all my own who wished me birthday today … and fond remembrance and lots of love to those who forgot for various reasons ( like I do so often .. being forgetful mostly ) … a very goodnight to you all!
  9. Owing to all the developed as well as developing nations’ heavy and seemingly never-ending dependency on natural resources including the fossil fuel, it seems inevitable that Antarctica, which is the only continent not ransacked so far with mankind’s wanton resource exploitation, in soon going to be encroached, too. For anyone concerned about the ecology of Antarctica and the role this pristine continent is playing in sustaining the earth’s environment, it is more than sad to learn that the international co-operation which ratified the Antarctica Treaty 30 years ago - solidifying Antarctica’s position to remain undisturbed - is soon going to be slain by a possible Mineral Convention regulating the systematic mining in Antarctica for the first time. Although presently it might feel a bit assuring to bask in the idea that extracting resources in Antarctica under stringent environmental safeguards will let no harm come to the continent’s fragile but awesomely rich & rare diversity of flora, fauna and incredible geological formation, we never know the consequences of tampering with the subtle natural aspects governing this serene ice-covered continent. By doing so in the hope of increasing our source and stock of sausage we might well be cutting our own ‘pound of flesh’. No technological expertise, monitoring, caution or innovations to curb the environmental tragedies has stood any chance before the colossal scale of steady environmental degradation and mounting ecological threats so far. We should not forget that in venturing to turn Antarctica into a mineral money-minter we are also shoveling a tenth of the world’s land surface – and a seriously delicate and very rare land surface at that. In a world which is alarmingly plagued by greenhouse effect already we cannot in our sanity trample upon the pristineness of a region which is the earth’s major heat sink containing 90% of the world’s ice and about three quarters of its fresh water. The continents 2% of land uncovered by snow retains a variety of life, though attenuate, which no doubt plays a crucial role in sustaining the Antarctica’s ecology. Man has already committed enough ecological crime by killing the great whales surrounding Antarctica almost on the verge of extinction in the recent past. We can never know, despite all the environmental safeguard estimates and scrutiny, what fate awaits the creatures like Blue whales, penguins, krill and hosts of other creatures inhabiting Antarctica and the rich, colorful oceanic habitats of great diversity underneath. Commercializing the deeps of Antarctica for that reason is beyond any doubt lifting the lid of yet another environmental Pandora’s box. Antarctica is simply too dear to be put into any kind of bargain. It is the last great treasure continent unhinderedly aiding to the sustenance of life on earth despite the increasing pressure of global warming. To consider seriously, what more proof do we need to be thrown in our face than a proven fact that a little more than proportionate melting of polar snow has already threatened to raise the sea levels worldwide and has put the long-term natural integrity of island as well as coastal nations in serious question? The exploitation of Antarctic resources, hence, shouldn’t even be considered let alone be sanctioned no matter how stringent to-be-regulated environmental safeguards are going to be. It should be at all costs a big ‘NO.’ Even if we’re able to use all its coals, minerals and oils (say) without harming its ecological balance, which will be a serious lie, we will nevertheless be burning them by consuming them in a thousand and one ways thereby further increasing the levels of CFCs and other nefarious gases eventually ruining the integrity of already thinning layer of ozone. This will only procrastinate the realization of urgency to find, develop and utilize in mass scale the other alternative fuel resources. Antarctica, for the sake of our dear planet’s longevity as well as every forms of life she has been sustaining since time inconceivable, should be declared a ‘wilderness park’ free from exploitation forever. It should be left alone, once and for all, and unapproachable for the Midas-eyed industrialist nations or other big names in fossil fuel industry regardless of whether they are private or state-owned. Antarctica should be revered, loved, cherished and left to remain what it is – our savior continent ecologically, and, as a text on Antarctica goes, a geological wonderland & a perfect natural laboratory for scientists to pursue knowledge for its own sake.
  10. zen_spirit


    i’m waiting with patience for a different death. transformation will happen by itself (when it has to ) and i’ll step into a new birth of realization. yes, i’m waiting to be awakened. love, hate, mirth, melancholy, sympathy, nullity, fear, ecstasy (all my entrails, my flesh, bones and my subtlest marrow) let me live them, and relive them always with acceptance, friendliness and witnessing eyes so that i’ll be able to ease myself, be centered and reach exactly where my real being is. taking my time i'm waiting for my facades to fade, my naked innocence to revive and my inmost voidness to flow out gushing so that i'll be unchained to live and leave as myself sans self with access to my truest, cosmic being. if i deserve, peace in me shall bloom. i’m just waiting.
  11. listening to you i don't even realize i'm listening to you. don't know how, but i helplessly lose myself in your words guiding me with the lantern of love through the nooks and crannies of your feelings and then to the shrine i truly worship - your heart. you say things and without any effort i see things emerging therein. each words you utter to me thus become a vision -- vision that totally surrounds me, lulls me, gets into my soul and takes me to a world i never want to return from. and when i have to return, i can't help hating my watch. it's then i realize he who'd said,"always lend your ears to the one you love" must have been somewhat fool 'coz to me the very thought of lending my ears to you sounds rather senseless. why so? i don't know, but perhaps it's because i do not lend but surrender them to you intuitively and with selfless love, care and a deep urge to share the summers, autumns, winters and springs of mine with the summers, autumns, winters and springs of yours. i feel no existance of time. so love, listening to you is learning a serene art i couldn't have learnt from anywhere else. is like hearing a great tale no literati can afford to tell. is being called by a sound coming from the sweetest-sounding bell.
  12. ... ancient eyes lost n found again ... magic glimmer the same ... reflection of heart purest the same ... twinkling mischief the same ... healer & killer the same ... imparting soul-messege the same ... those ancient eyes ... my surest assurance against all odds ... the same ...
  13. zen_spirit

    saddam hussein

    ... don't know what to say ... first you turn a sabre tooth into a zoo thing ... sabre out n jungle too ... cubs all dead ... then you decide to kill it ( judicially as they say ) ... but does a verdict like this aid in solving probs gnawing the mid east n arab sands in any way? ... who gives/been giving birth to personalities like saddam? ... who's it that arms him to teeth coz he caters to their immediate needs? ... whos it that keeps pin drop silence when thousands of kurds were killed like insects in a distant land ??? ... wish there was someone beside me who i could ask (someone who wasn't a child when kurds in iraq were mass corpses on the streets) to what extent did CNN and TIME magazine highlight the issue??? ... the critter's a sabre tooth only when he starts to pounce on the cattle your interest lies in ... the rest is a reality everybodys been a witness to ... seriously, i dont think killing (i say, killing ... for what saddam did, the US forces/insurgents did n are doing ... n then what this verdict's bent on doing) will make world a better place in any way ... personally, i wish he was life-sentenced ... every killing, i feel, kills some bit of human dignity n hope for mankinds better future ... ... peace ...
  14. ... really creative work ... kept me smiling during the scrolling n even now ... keep it up tiger ji ... ... ...
  15. zen_spirit

    ... music ...

    “Without music life would be nothing.” Nietzsche had once said. And its straightly reflects the importance of music in human life. There’s not a soul who’s not influenced, inspired or moved by music, whether this type or that. It is a subject so vast that any attempt to explain it, no matter how elaborate, can only manage to trace a few or little of many directions in which music moves – the context in which it is created, produced and listened to. From folk to classical, jazz to blues, country to hip-hop, pop to rock, instrumental to fusion and mystic to metal and etc., every genre has it’s enchantment upon us mortals all over. One doesn’t need to ‘know’ music in order to appreciate it and enjoy it. Just being lost in it is enough. And for those who ‘know’ music or ‘attempt to know’ music, this knowing never ends both in terms of time and experience which forever seems to keep growing with time. People come. People go. But music remains - and forever unfathomed and inexhaustible. This is the mystery of music. It is a saw that cuts all, a wine that intoxicates all, a divine herb that heals all and above all, a universal soul that unfailingly embraces all. For me music is not only the most beautiful yet most powerful medium of aesthetic expression and magic communiqué but also an unconscious process of soul-searching and a god in itself. Music truly is life in all its richness and vibrancy. My earliest sense of music was that strange, continuous whistlelike whisper coming forth from the lapping waters of Thulibheri flowing past our stone-house in Karnali zone. And then the sound of bell I’d hear during my father’s prayers in the morning and evening which I’d myself play whenever he wasn’t around - just for the sake of sound. Never did I see a livelier musician than an old, sightless Khampa mendicant who’d step-dance in front of our house to the rhythm of his worn out Tungna, always accompanied by his little daughter singing with him and helping him carry out his begging trip. And though I never understood the language he sang in he remains my icon more than any of those big singers I see in the (visual and print) media and whose music I buy in the market. Then comes Kitaro, composer of the soundtrack of ‘Silk Road’, for whose one-minutes’ wail of flute (it sounded like flute but am not sure what instrument it actually was) I’d wait anxiously for a whole week and never grew weary. Our Bengali matron sister in hostel sang so beautifully that I couldn’t help hiding myself around and hear her sing while she did laundry every Wednesday and Friday. They were the people who whetted my appetite for music, yet never to their knowledge. Now when people say I’ve grown up and when I have my own list of favorite singers/musicians it is to these people I attribute my current taste for music. And though now I enjoy listening to various songs of various singers representing various genres I can’t help but yearn deeply for the magic of old Khampa’s tungna, sound of Thulibheri flowing, my fathers old prayer bell and the soothing voice of our Bengali matron sister is hostel years ago.
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