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GNOME

WNSO Addict
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Everything posted by GNOME

  1. I am kinda optimistic so everyday when I wake up, I hope its saturday so that I don't have to go for work...
  2. GNOME

    Adult Jokes

    Crazy Boss and Secretary She says, "My boss is so sex-crazed." Everytime he comes into the office, I must do the LAPTOP position, and then the DESKTOP position, followed by the SPREADSHEET format. I must LOAD UP his SOFT DISK into a HARD DISK, so that he can INSERT in my C DRIVE and then the A DRIVE. Then he'll ask me to EJECT his SOFTWARE outside my C DRIVE so that he is VIRUS FREE. Then he changes his mind and decides to ENTER, ENTER, and ENTER the whole day till he is in MICROSOFT stage. Once I tried to ESC (escape) but he caught me and Shifted me to his HOME where he started pressing BACKSPACE, and said "TURNOVER" Today, many a times he works without CAPSLOCK (without "cap" or "helmet") and sometimes as an Alternative he CRASHES @ my SYSTEM until he looses his CTRL (control) and again he LOGS IN... This process may continue until I SHUT DOWN his MAIN SYSTEM
  3. GNOME

    Adult Jokes

    A little boy says to his mother, "Mommy, how come I'm black and you're white?" His mother replied, "Don't even go there! From what I can remember about that F**King party, you're lucky you don't bark."
  4. GNOME

    Adult Jokes

    Juan comes up to the Mexican border on his bicycle. He's got two large bags over his shoulders. The guard stops him and says, "What's in the bags?" "Sand," answered Juan. The guard says, "We'll just see about that. Get off the bike." The guard takes the bags and rips them apart. He empties them out and finds nothing in them but sand. He detains Juan overnight and has the sand analyzed, only to discover that there is nothing but pure sand in the bags. The guard releases Juan, puts the sand into new bags, hefts them onto the man's shoulders, and lets him cross the border. A week later, the same thing happens. The guard asks, "What have you got?" "Sand," says Juan. The guard does his thorough examination and discovers that the bags contain nothing but sand. He gives the sand back to Juan, and Juan crosses the border on his bicycle. This sequence of events if repeated every day for three years. Finally, Juan doesn't show up one day and the guard meets him in a Cantina in Mexico. "Hey, Buddy," says the guard, "I know you are smuggling something. It's driving me crazy. It's all I think about. I can't sleep. Just between you and me, what are you smuggling?" Juan sips his beer and says, "Bicycles."
  5. GNOME

    Adult Jokes

    Donald Rumsfeld briefed the President this morning. He told Bush that 3 Brazilian soldiers were killed in Iraq. To everyone's amazement, all of the color ran from Bush's face, then he collapsed onto his desk, head in hands, visibly shaken, almost whimpering. Finally, he composed himself and asked Rumsfeld, "Just exactly how many is a brazillion?"
  6. GNOME

    Adult Jokes

    A man saw an elderly couple sitting down to lunch at a fast-food restaurant. He noticed that they had ordered just one meal, and as he watched, the older gentleman carefully divided the hamburger in half, then counted out the fries until each had half of them. The old man then began to eat, and his wife sat watching, with her hands folded in her lap. The young man decided to ask if they would let him buy another meal for them so that they didn't have to split theirs. The old gentleman said, "Oh, no. We've been married 50 years, and everything has always been and will always be shared 50-50." The young man asked the wife if she was going to eat, to which she replied, "Not yet. It's his turn to use our teeth."
  7. GNOME

    Adult Jokes

    I was in the airport VIP lounge en route to Seattle a couple of weeks ago. While in there, I noticed Bill Gates sitting comfortably in the corner, enjoying a drink. I was meeting a very important client who was also flying to Seattle, but she was running a little bit late. Well, being a straightforward kind of guy, I approached the Microsoft chairman, introduced myself, and said, "Mr. Gates, I wonder if you would do me a favor." "Yes?" "I'm sitting right over there," pointing to my seat at the bar, "and I'm waiting for a very important client. Would you be so kind when she arrives as to come walk by and just say "Hi GNOME?" "Sure." I shook his hand and thanked him and went back to my seat. About ten minutes later, my client showed up. We ordered a drink and started to talk business. A couple of minutes later, I felt a tap on my shoulder. It Was Bill Gates. "Hi, GNOME," he said. I replied, "Shut up, Bill, Can't you see I'm in a meeting?" :D
  8. GNOME

    Adult Jokes

    Everybody who has a dog calls him "Rover" or "Boy". I call mine "Sex". Now, Sex has been very embarrassing to me. When I went to City Hall to renew his dog license, I told the clerk I would like to have a license for Sex. He said, "I'd like to have one too." Then I said, "but this is a dog." He said he didn't care what she looked like. Then I said, "You don't understand, I've had Sex since I was nine years old." He said I must have been quite a kid! When I got married and went on my honeymoon, I took the dog with me. I told the motel clerk that I wanted a room for my wife and me, and a special room for Sex. He said that every room in the place was for sex. I said, "You don't understand, Sex keeps me awake at night." The clerk said, "Me too". One day I entered Sex in a contest, but before the competition began, the dog ran away. Another contestant asked me why I was just standing there, looking around. I told him I had planned to have Sex in the contest. He told me that I should have sold my own tickets. "But you don't understand," I said, "I had hoped to have sex on T.V." He called me a show-off. When my wife and I separated, we went to court to fight for custody of the dog. I said, "Your honor, I had Sex before I was married." The judge said, "Me too." Then I told him that after I was married, Sex left me. He said "Me too." Last night Sex ran off again. I spent hours looking around town for him. A cop came over to me and asked, "What are you doing in this alley at 4 o'clock in the morning?" I said, "I am looking for Sex." My case comes up Friday.
  9. GNOME

    Adult Jokes

    A woman, who had been married twice and divorced twice, was fed up. Her first husband beat her, and her second husband ran away with another woman. Plus, she couldn't find a new lover who could satisfy her, so she put an ad in the classifieds: Wanted: A good looking, single guy who won't beat me, won't leave me, and is good in bed. About a week later, her doorbell rings. She opens the door to find a man with no arms and legs on her front porch. "I'm here about your ad," he says. "You must be mistaken," she says. "Let me explain," he says. "I can't beat you, I don't have any arms. And I can't run away because I don't have any legs." "But," she asks, "How do I know you're good in bed?" "I rang the doorbell, didn't I?" he replied.
  10. GNOME

    Adult Jokes

    There was this couple that had been married for 20 years. Every time they made love the husband always insisted on shutting off the light. Well, after 20 years the wife felt this was ridiculous. She figured she would break him out of this crazy habit. So one night, while they were in the middle of a wild, screaming, romantic session, she turned on the lights. She looked down and saw her husband was holding a battery-operated leisure device... a vibrator! Soft, wonderful and larger than a real one. She went completely ballistic. " how could you do this to me," She screamed at him, "how could you be lying to me all of these years? You better explain yourself!" The husband looks her straight in the eyes and says calmly: "I'll explain about the toy, if you explain about the kids."
  11. GNOME

    Adult Jokes

    :o :P :D :D :P :D :P
  12. GNOME

    Adult Jokes

    PREETO: Jab tum desi sharab pite ho to mujhe paro kehto ho jab whisky pete ho to darling kehte ho. Aaj kiya pia hia jo churail keh rahe ho? SANTA: Aaj main hosh main hoon!
  13. GNOME

    Adult Jokes

    A little boy got on the bus, sat next to a man reading a book, and noticed he had his collar on backwards. The little boy asked why he wore his collar backwards. The man, who was a priest, said. "I am a Father." The little boy replied. "My Daddy doesn't wear his collar like that. "The priest looked up from his book and answered. "I am the Father of many." The boy said. "My Dad has 4 boys, 4 girls and two grandchildren and he doesn't wear his collar that way! The priest, getting impatient, said. "I am the Father of hundreds" and went back to reading his book. The little boy sat quietly thinking for a while, then leaned over and said. "Maybe you should wear a condom and your pants backwards instead of your collar." :D
  14. GNOME

    Adult Jokes

    :lol: :P :D
  15. GNOME

    Adult Jokes

    nice ones.... By the way your grandmom is cool...
  16. GNOME

    Adult Jokes

    Making a cup of coffee is like making love to a beautiful woman. It's got to be hot. You've got to take your time. You've got to stir... gently, and firmly. You've got to grind your beans until they squeak. And then you put in the milk.
  17. GNOME

    Adult Jokes

    Newapasa bumped into his ex in the club. She said, "Sorry, I'm pretty drunk." He said, "Yeah, you're right, you are pretty when I'm drunk."
  18. GNOME

    Adult Jokes

    Valentine's Day is... Flowers: Rs. 300 Dinner and Movie: Rs. 900 Hotel room afterwards: Rs. 2,000 The look on your face when she says she's on her period: F#@king Priceless.
  19. No offense to this movie and movie lovers but I don't think this movie deserve an OSCAR. I also liked the movie but I have seen better movies which deserve OSCAR than this one. The only reason people are talking abt this movie is because it was make by British director. If any of bollywood director had made that film, it would have been classed as an Art Movie and would have tanked at Box Office. Just to remind you, during screening of this movie in Toronto Film festival, all the western people loved this movie but didn't get good response from Asian audience. Because the situations and the scenes shown in the movie are nothing new to the Asian viewers. They see them everyday in their real life , they hear about it everyday. Beside there must be hundreds of movie already made on these kinds of subjects. But the West loves to see Asians as a wasteland, filled with horror stories of exploitation and degradation. Most of them have been never exposed to those situations so they find it intriguing and exciting. I am not saying this is a bad movie, I just think this movie doesn't deserve an OSCAR.
  20. GNOME

    New Sardarji Jokes

    Why does a Sardar keep empty beer bottles in his fridge? They're there for those who don't drink. :P
  21. GNOME

    New Sardarji Jokes

    Q: A Man asked Santa, "Akal badhi ya bhains? " A: Santa bola, "Pehle date of birth to batao."
  22. GNOME

    New Sardarji Jokes

    Banta: Name the 3 fastest means of communication. Santa: Telephone, Television, Tell-a-woman
  23. GNOME

    New Sardarji Jokes

    Santa was caught for speeding and went before the judge. The judge: What'll you take 30 days or Rs 3000 ? Santa: I think I'll take the money.
  24. GNOME

    New Sardarji Jokes

    Preeto: Raat ko aap peeke gutter mein gir gaye the. Banta: Kya bataoon, sub galat sangati ka asar hai, hum 4 dost... 1 bottle, aur woh teeno kambhakt peeten nahin.
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