I’ve spent the last week consolidating my new self...
I feel incredibly peaceful n feminine now ..!!.
The life I live is what I've always dreamed of.
I’m married 2 the most beautiful man...
he’s compassionate, handsome, energetic,
good fun, healthy, sexy, passionate
n loves me unconditionally ...constantly...
he’s my best friend n my favorite playmate.
It might sound strange, but it’s true...
that in amongst all this,
I was tense, prone 2 severe bouts of depression
n felt out of control.
Each morning I opened my eyes
I felt a wave of dread 4 what my mind would
dish out 2day.
My body felt heavy and ached.
People gets on my nerves.
<I'm not saying abt the kids>
Small things freaked me out.
I held most of my emotion inside until
I get physically sick...
*Which is happening 2 me now 4 the past 3 days..*
No matter what I did,
I just couldn’t get away from myself.
This all makes me sound like a real loop.
I did have good days n plenty of special moments,
but what worried me was..
how could I ever have a child,
be a good mother,
be a good lover,
be a good person,
with my emotions swinging around so erratically.
When I finally started to release my grief verbally,
my screams terrified me.
It was in 1 of my sessions of rage on top of a hill,
when my screams turned into sobbing n
then finally a cry 4 help.
I’ll never 4get how tight my husband held me the day
when I asked 4 help.
Glazed n exhausted,
I fell into bed early yesterday night.
When I woke on this morning,
it was like I opened my eyes 4 the 1st time.
I felt so good.
When I put my feet on the ground;
I walked with a strength n balance I have never known b4!!
When I looked at myself in the mirror,
I fell in love with my clear eyes n my face.
My smile blew me away.
My breath was deep n easy.
When I got dressed,
I looked n felt so light, so feminine n soooo beautiful.