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Consolidating my New Self

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I’ve spent the last week consolidating my new self... smile.gif

I feel incredibly peaceful n feminine now ..!!.

 

The life I live is what I've always dreamed of.

I’m married 2 the most beautiful man...

he’s compassionate, handsome, energetic,

good fun, healthy, sexy, passionate

n loves me unconditionally ...constantly...

he’s my best friend n my favorite playmate. laugh.gif

 

It might sound strange, but it’s true...

that in amongst all this,

I was tense, prone 2 severe bouts of depression

n felt out of control.

 

Each morning I opened my eyes

I felt a wave of dread 4 what my mind would

dish out 2day.

My body felt heavy and ached.

People gets on my nerves.

<I'm not saying abt the kids>

Small things freaked me out.

I held most of my emotion inside until

I get physically sick...

*Which is happening 2 me now 4 the past 3 days..*

 

No matter what I did,

I just couldn’t get away from myself.

This all makes me sound like a real loop. dry.gif

I did have good days n plenty of special moments,

but what worried me was..

how could I ever have a child,

be a good mother,

be a good lover,

be a good person,

with my emotions swinging around so erratically.

When I finally started to release my grief verbally,

my screams terrified me.

 

It was in 1 of my sessions of rage on top of a hill,

when my screams turned into sobbing n

then finally a cry 4 help.

I’ll never 4get how tight my husband held me the day

when I asked 4 help.

 

Glazed n exhausted,

I fell into bed early yesterday night.

When I woke on this morning,

it was like I opened my eyes 4 the 1st time.

I felt so good.

 

When I put my feet on the ground;

I walked with a strength n balance I have never known b4!!

When I looked at myself in the mirror,

I fell in love with my clear eyes n my face.

My smile blew me away.

My breath was deep n easy.

When I got dressed,

I looked n felt so light, so feminine n soooo beautiful. laugh.gif

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