A Salute to a Great Educator

Today i kind of feel like telling u abt this teacher whom i had known...

When I was in primary school,

we had a substitute teacher.

This woman (God rest her soul) was a battle axe.

4 some reason I could sense that she hated me.

Come 2 think of it,

I think she hated all of the children.

2 top it off her name was Mrs. Hoon..

Can't think of a less poetic name?

Maybe "Mrs. Deathstain" was taken.

Once we were painting tissue boxes 4some insane project

n Mrs. Hoon did not like the content or speed of my work.

She ripped the tissue box from my hands

n proceeded 2 slop paint on it in a slapdash fashion

while spewing nasty comments at me

n breathing too hard.

I still bear the scars n

u can see the angst in my occasional horrible artwork postings.

OK, maybe she's not 2 blame 4 my horrible drawings

but hey, it works on some level.

They say that every dog has its day

n I was 2 have mine with Mrs. Hoon.

As a child I hated milk.

On top of that I was an easy puker.

Every afternoon we would have a milk break

n I would barely put a dent in my carton.

Our usual teacher was a kind lady

n never made me finish the hideous little container of evil cow wine.

But Mrs. Hoon was not our usual teacher

n once again we found her gracing us with her kindly teaching methods.

Milk break came around n

I did my usual sip n stall.

She was watching me like a hawk.

A slightly demented evil hawk.

At the end of milk break,

c grabbed my container,

put it on her desk

n told me I would be staying after school.

Fear gripped me like a vice.

After the final bell rang,

c approached my desk,

slammed the warm container of milk in front of me

n commanded me 2 drink.

I started chugging down the vile warm liquid

n felt myself begin 2 retch.

I blew chow mid gulp n it sprayed everywhere

- on the desk and all over the floor.

C had no choice but 2 let me leave

n 2 deal with the hideous mess.

But now i do love drinking milk,

<Just look at my size>

I walked home happy that day.

Here's 2 u, Mrs. Hoon.