I m currently listening 2 this song "tum se hi" online from the movie "jab we met."
I have this feeling that the singer,Mohit, truely is singing from his heart....
N it really pains me...
i get so emotional these days...hiyahhh...
Perhaps what i'm going through...
It's tough, picking up the pieces in my life...
Quit my work n been sitting ard the house 4 half a month now.
Thankfully i have a wonderful family who r there 4 me.
I have asked this question so many times in my life;
What have i been up 2??
Just the thought of writing all of them down is
kinda of overwhelming me!!
So many ideas, few executed.
So many emotions, few made known.
it's been almost 2 month or so ever since
i've punched on this keyboard.
Yeah, raising a child isn't as easy as it looks..
When Brian turned 11th month(June),
he was in hospital 4 bronrithistics 4 days.
Upon his discharge,
he was talking his 1st steps.(31.07.2007)!!
At 1st, he gave us that cheecky look tha
The dawning of the New Year
is a moment when we look 4ward with hope;
we make resolutions 2 improve ourselves,
2 change those weaknesses that
seem 2 make our lives more difficult than
they ought 2 be, or
2 change things that
our friends tell us makes us
disagreeable 2 be around.
When we make these resolutions,
we do it in the hope that
the problems of the year just ended
n that the year ahead
will be a period of health n
Y do we think we have so much control over everything!!?
I guess it’s just a natural inclination.
In psych, we learn that
a sense of control (real or imagined), decreases stress.
I can see the truth in that.
I have mastered the art of the controlled mess.
My obsessive-compulsive tendencies drive me 2
But sometimes I just need a mess.
So I allow myself a guilty pleasure—
a hamper of clothes at the end of my bed,
a pile of unread mail—
It's been quite a while ever since i have posted blog.
Guess i'll just be brief n
type away the thoughts of what had happened in the recent weeks.
All of it seemed so fresh in my mind.
In our "unresolved issues",
We seem 2 have our roots grounded deeply,
N somehow 4 1 or another reason,
they got stuck
n did not finish passing through
which thus clouded the judgment...
Even with some confrontation,
none of us were willingly 2 face what actually happened.
Being by the nature of my upbringing,
all my energies having been directed 2
1 channel of activity,
crippled from other activities
n made helpless even 2 live.
No cause is helpless if it is just.
deep inside us all that really suffers in ways
we would never permit an insect 2 suffer....
Never does one feel oneself so utterly helpless
as in trying to speak comfort
4 great bereavement.
I will not try it.
Time is the only comfort...
This 1 here,
is 4 everything I fear.
And this 1 is for the knife I took,
N dragged across my wrist,
when my whole world was shook.
This one is 4,
the pills I take,
that make my body
tremble n shake.
This 1 is for 4,
the drugs I use,
2 take away the pain,
2 help 4get the abuse.
2 mess with my brain,
so I won't think of u.
This 1 is 4,
the things I except,
the things I regret,
ur painful words,
I'll never 4get.
As i m listening 2 some fabulous Nepali musics online n
Typing away my blog entry 4 2day...
Raju Lama's song entittled : Timilai Dhekhera
Just brighten up my day...
Aww...if only songs were so smooth...
The sound of the flute.. n etc..
Memories of Nepal comes flooding 2 my thoughts...
Like the himalayans n the warm,humble locals...
It starts making me nostalgic man!!
With Dashain n Tihar not very far,
I makes me wanna pack my luggage n
head off without doubt.
If every question has an answer..
If every question has an answer or
if every "y" has a reason,
there would be no meaning of survival 4 existence.
If this world is a perfect place n
if the person is a perfect person,
there would be no mistakes n no regrets.
My best wishes 2 every1 who comprehends life as it goes on,
N that includes very much my own self as well.
I have always been myself,
trying 2 be Ms. Optimistic;
it worked sometimes while
the rest of
In my recent trip 2 my friend's place
I happened 2 find out that,
C had been abused constantly 4 the past 6 years!!
ALthough we never were close..
But it was much later,
Did c blurted out abt her piteous state.
*Goshh.. rolling eyes*
Man, i thought 2 myself,
Y's c so foolish??
As usual like many helpless women
who have been through her position;
factors such as child, low-education, etc, etc
created that "Pressure" 2 make her stay
I've been cleaning my room/house n
doing some "freaking"organizing...
b4 I go off 2 cook lunch...
My room is so entirely filled with my life that
I fear if anything is lost,
somehow a part of me is destroyed as well.
*But maybe that's just the incense talking.
I've been burning it since 8 in the morning. **
Work was incredibly slow this morning.
I'm discovering more and more everyday that
there is no magical point of "arrival" in life.
U're constantly gro
My Journal 4 the day....
I have "digged" a journal i had posted sometime back,
4 ur interesting reading.
Hopefully we all stop arguing abt what universities we studied at,
N all the trival things..
At the end of the road it's not everything..
Time n time again,
an idea about a pathway through life assails my train of thought;
such thoughts occur only momentarily majority of the time.
As my vacation progresses however,
its frequency became increasingly higher,
It's been a hectic week 4 me,
w/o knowing that weeks breezing though..
like whispers of the ever changing seasons..
2day, the whole world has changed in a very subtle
Yet profound way....
Perhaps u felt it,
as u were stirring ur hot chocolate this morning
or coffee 4 some of u,
*I don't take coffee, 4 ur information,it's kinda of bitter * -
Like a milky cloud in the shape of a face
breaking against the convex side of the teaspoon.
Due 2 some circumstance,
(As u can see, My stupid "Dear" paid some1's bills instead of ours!!)
Soo...I had my telephone n net line terminated this week.
Ironically i loved it..
u KNOW WHAT?
I spend that time playing volleyball n making new friends..
That proves how much time we loose out in other aspect of our lives,
really beats hanging ard online n making some "cyber friends".
Thus today in my post i would like 2 writ abt my Dad..
Part of Me, Part of
I cannot believe how totally time consuming teaching is.
I never imagined that it would take as long as it does.
4 the past week I have felt a little overwhelmed.
I had a student calling me Aunt
I was just about 2 fall off of my seat upon hearing that!!
**who was he calling Auntie!**
Usually all my students call me "Didi".
This is going to take a little bit of getting used 2!
Getting back 2 my life at home,
From today till the next month,
I'll be Home Alone
I’ve spent the last week consolidating my new self...
I feel incredibly peaceful n feminine now ..!!.
The life I live is what I've always dreamed of.
I’m married 2 the most beautiful man...
he’s compassionate, handsome, energetic,
good fun, healthy, sexy, passionate
n loves me unconditionally ...constantly...
he’s my best friend n my favorite playmate.
It might sound strange, but it’s true...
that in amongst all this,
I was tense, prone 2 severe bouts of dep
Ideas are nothing if not shared.
Thoughts trapped in books or frozen in cyberspace r useless
until they interact with an intelligence.
It is only at the coalface of critical thinking that concepts acquire
any sort of worth at all.
It is true that a thought in ur head will have an intrinsic value 2 u
n sadly, we so often feel that anything valued
should be kept n coveted.
But what we need 2 realise
is that a thought shared is not a thought spent -
2day's A Very Special Day 2 Me..(21.05.2005)
This's 2 my Hubby.
Love u Always n 4ever..
If u left 2day,
I would walk an infinite spiral until I found u again.
N if u changed ur name,
I would fall in love anew with whoever u became.
I cannot remember the last time a thought sprang
Artemis-like, fully formed n complete from my mind.
Since I simply don't have the time 2 bring them all 2 term -
Nevertheless, I will acknowledge them where n when I can.
"I'm on an ocean that has a brain n makes us dream.
I'm on a mission 2 wipe my imagination clean.
You grow inside me, dying time n time again.
I'm on a mission 2 escape from what my life has been."
If u know what that's abt, good 4 u .
Let's Get Political!
Ok 2day i was reading this article on some gals
being raped by the UN officers,
n some1 online mentioned 2 me that
they can just abort the babies...
Time 2 shake things up a little,
n really piss some peop
I just love weekends,
especially when it's SUNDAY!
From today, I'd decided 2 add some structure 2 my life.
Especially my mornings.
It's very easy 2 just sleep in the warmth of my bed
rather than face the world around me.
So I started 2 do some cleaning up ard the house.
<Which i have procrastinating 4 a long time now.>
I doubt I'll be done,
I'll need an entire week of accomplishing it all.
But atleast I'm making the effort.
Life's been pretty good so far,
Y didn’t some1 say! *ohh someone did*.
It’s Friday the 13th, people !!.
Avoid ladders, salt, mirrors, cats of dark hues
n cracks in the pavement.
If u r reading this from ur house,
GO BACK 2 BED.
4 those who r reading this in bed,
don’t rub it in,
u lazy bugger…
if u want me,
I’ll be hiding under my desk
(I may venture out 4 a cake though, it IS Friday after all…).
A Salute to a Great Educator
Today i kind of feel like telling u abt this teacher whom i had known...
When I was in primary school,
we had a substitute teacher.
This woman (God rest her soul) was a battle axe.
4 some reason I could sense that she hated me.
Come 2 think of it,
I think she hated all of the children.
2 top it off her name was Mrs. Hoon..
Can't think of a less poetic name?
Maybe "Mrs. Deathstain" was taken.
Once we were painting tissue boxes 4s
As i had told u earlier in my post,
i haven't been feeling well lately..
I was expecting the kids 2 be quite rowdy.
I don’t know y or how or who or what,
but something happened in the class today.
They were angles!
They listened, they worked, they were great!
Just when u think that u have sort of figured students out
they r well behaved, ,
but it was terribly serious n scary.
once again u have no idea what's going on in their heads.
The midterm environm
Counting down the number of days
b4 the school holidays starts.
<That's finally when my students would b having their break!>
I'm exhausted n depressed.
I'm sleeping more n more each day.
I don't know whatever possesses me 2 do so
but I've been trying 2 cover pain n the depression 4 days now.
Myhead n back still hurt n
I'm beginning 2 think I really injured myself in that fall a week n a half ago.
I'm thinking it's t
Guess it's just appropriate 4 me 2 write now..
just it's abt 2 strike 12 soon.
**Hopefully i'll be able 2 finish it on the dot **
I thought that i had lost my voice
but then there it was on the other side of a line, in a dream.
U called,n i sleeply answered the phone
Rambling on abt how the sun had yet 2 come out.
I didnt know y u would ring so early.
U spoke slowly n so clearly with such a crisp tone
that u had only wanted 2 hear my voice first above anything else.