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mild melody

Going Home

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(Experiences of a dream of mine in which i saw myself dead)


Going Home


The first thing I remember, you know, after … was little drops of rain hitting my eyelids. They were cool and felt good on my face, which is always hot. Then the flashing lights behind my eyelids. They were a little annoying. Someone was talking to me. I opened one eye and then the other.


Above me was a paramedic (I guess) looking into one of my eyes, then the other with a tiny penlight. His stethoscope swayed hypnotically around his neck. The kid looked new … and scared. I wanted to say something to calm him down, but I was having trouble talking. He was talking to me, but I could barely hear the words. It sounded like, “Just hang on, Buddy, we’re going to get you out of here.”


There was a small needle prick in my other arm. I noticed the other guy. I could see him better, because the light wasn’t directly in my eyes. I managed a smile at him and he smiled back. His dark black hair dripped rain into his equally dark eyes. The guy looked like he spent hours in front of the mirror every day. He took a towel and reached for my face with it. I managed to say “No.”, but he ignored me, wiping the rain out of my face. When he pulled it back, it had blood on it, too. I realized I was hurt and judging from the amount of police cars and ambulances, hurt bad.


“Did anyone else,” I started. It hurt like hell. I took in what little breath I could and finished. “Get hurt?”

The guy wouldn’t answer me. He just urged me not to talk. I could hear somewhere on the other side that my mother was crying. She wanted to see me, but no one would let her. Well at least she was okay. I looked back at the new kid with the dangling stethoscope. He just sat looking at me. Some one behind the kid had my other hand and I think they were making me feel better than anyone.


I tried to tell the older guy that I couldn’t breath right. “Save your strength, Buddy.” He said. God I hated being called Buddy. I could hear people shouting and yelling. A stroke of lightning shot across the sky from one side to the other as far as I could see. I was really starting to have breathing difficulties and was starting to panic inside. Outside, I couldn’t manage to do anything. I tried to say it … tried to tell them, and then the warm hand began to pull. I started to slide out and all the pain was gone. I still wasn’t breathing, but it didn’t bother me much now. Something strange happened though, as I watched my body slide further and further away, I realized the person pulling on my arm was my grandmother, five years gone.



“Aama!?” I asked. She smiled and nodded. I stood up and went to her. We hugged. It was a real hug. It was a hug that I had missed and wanted to feel for five years. “I love you,” I said, sobbing.


“I love you, too, honey,” she said, wiping away my tears. I felt like a child again. “No need for these tears anymore,” she said.



“Am I dead, then,” I asked.


“No,” she answered softly. You’re home.


“But what about Mom, Dad and everuone …” I trailed off here. She knew where I was going. We were rising from the ground now. I could see the whole thing from above as we rose.


“They’ll be fine,” she assured me. We were heading toward a light that kept growing and getting brighter. “It’s hard to understand, but it won’t take long.”


I kept watching as we entered a tunnel of light. People milled all around here. They look all familiar. I detected no hate, malice, nothing but love. I looked around. “Just like on TV,” I said, awestruck.


Grandmother nodded, “Just like on TV.” She looked at me as I watch them work on my body below. It looked nice from up here with the darts of silver and red lights, like a carnival. I was halfway under a truck. That would explain the breathing. Here, wherever here was, there was no pain, discomfort, everything felt perfect. “You can still go back,” grandmother teased. I just smiled and shook my head.


She took my hand again and gave it a little squeeze. “Come on then,” my grandmother said. “Some one is waiting to meet you.”


We shot off toward the light and I felt like I could outrun the stars.





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