Witnessing A Fading Love
You woke suddenly up from bed. Eyes were sparkling. You rushed to the bathroom; took shower - half with water and half with tears. Perhaps you have been dreaming a nightmare for couple of weeks.
Nowadays you smile and are happy more than before. In fact, you act to smile and be happy. Your every maneuver to conceal the truth has been nothing else than revealing it. Do you think I am so dumb not to know that you are going through a tough luck? I often login your account and check your mail. It is not hidden to me your GF has got the preliminary symptoms of Bipolar Disorder recently.
One night it was about 4.30 and in Nepal it must be midnight. You got a call.
Your GF was sobbing on the phone. You stammered.
“I must, I must tell you what I feel, how I feel nowadays. Am telling you today, now.”
Your words were sticking inside.
“Whenever and every time I need you, Raj! You are not there for me. I am always lonely.”
The moment you heard this, your heart shattered stridently. Perhaps you were too shocked to hear but I heard it over. Desires go on accumulating. What else would you suppose to happen when reality doesn’t come up as per one’s expectation?
Monday, 28th of April. Your GF’s birthday. Today you woke up early, went to job then rushed to school and then to job again. You reached home back at midnight. You had night shifts during the weekends and it was almost the end of your academic session, as well. Not surprisingly, today you didn’t go to lounge to ring her. You must be too tired, I know. You ranged her from bed for half an hour. Perhaps she was busy, if not the network; whatever your destiny was poor; you couldn’t contact her. You fell down asleep while still trying to call her. And she must have also fallen down asleep waiting and waiting your call. I came to know you managed to talk to her only for 5-10 minutes during the afternoon whereas she must be expecting you to be with her quite longer perhaps and if possible all the day. I know not only this BD but also few other new years and anniversaries have passed similarly.
Don’t think I don’t have access to your diary. It’s only a few yards away from my bed on the table. “I came overseas to win, to achieve and of course to struggle. But I never knew I have to struggle for everything, even for things I already had won. Certainly this is a cruel joke time has played with me.”
I can’t recommend going on holidays back in Nepal. For that you have to manage from your job if you were able to and perhaps you won’t be so lucky. Once you are a part of Aussie life, you are overloaded with financial burden. To meet the minimum standard, you have invested for playstation to playstation protable, iPod to mobile. Long list of bills such as internet, rent, travel ticket, movies, electricity, food, dress and even household to stationeries; last not least, tens of thousands of annual tuition fees leave you cash strapped. Specially, when you have moved to a new place in your own, how may I say you spare little for visit; I know you are left not with a cent even.
Nowadays when you return home you look worn out and defeated. “I am tired. I want to have rest.” You will throw yourself to the bed even not asking me how my day was. Meanwhile I would be saying dear you had certainly a bad day. Hope night would be fine. Since you have not been taking dinner for couple of weeks, I left preparing dinner for you and I can bet you are still oblivious of this. I wonder what kind of rest is that. Eyes remain wide open till crack of dawn and you keep rolling yourself in the bed.
Who says distance doesn’t matter in Love and relationship? I don’t agree. The bond is inversely proportional to the distance between the hearts and the time of separation. Theory of Love – what so far I have believed is.
One day you had been trying to get her. Finally she picked her phone up.
“Where the hell you had been?”
You couldn’t hear anything due to background noise. You guessed she must be in restaurant.
“Just a minute Binod! Raj’s call.”
You heard it imperceptibly. Then you completely faded. You didn’t speak a word to her. “Hello, hello…..” the unattended mobile was shouting. Soon you got sick of her call backs. You turned on the silent mode shortly followed by switching off the mobile. Likewise, she has found you with Sarita to Sunita about whom she doesn’t have any idea but thankfully Binod is your best friend. You know both of them well than yourself. However, in both instances, the after effects were equally profound.
If you were in Nepal, the case would, certainly, not deteriorate so much. You would approach her; drag her by her hand; stick her to your chest; let her listen your heart pounding and feel your close breath. Then you would say “I love You.” Definitely, she would surrender. Still misunderstanding? No way. Being separated itself is vulnerable.
I have witnessed each suffer my cousin has gone through. I won’t let this crash happen between them.
(Dedicated to my cousin Jaya)